Becoming a More Open Communicator

The concept I felt that was most useful as well as interesting was the tips at the end of the chapter regarding to becoming a more open communicator. I thought the five tips could be extremely useful to people who are close-minded as well as prejudice. The first tip basically states that one should try to be open to new types of people, people who are outside of your comfort zone and group of friends. It further on states, we tend to be more comfortable with others that are like one’s own culture. At the end of this tip it asks the question of out of all the friends you have how many are either from a different racial, ethnic or religious background. My honest answer is more than half of my friends are from different racial, ethnic and religious backgrounds. I have very few friends that are Caucasian or Greek. The majority of my friends are all Hispanic. The book stated that after answering this question the outcome is none or few it suggests that you should open up your mind to new people. Myself, I think I need to open myself to my own race more; however it is a little difficult because of the environment and people I’ve grown up with. The bay area is extremely diverse; where I live it’s mostly all Hispanic, Asians and African Americans. If you look at my five best friends you see one white, 4 Hispanics and one Chinese. Now to me that is pretty diverse and I love it. I think people should realize all these other cultures have a great deal to offer. I still learn something about each other these other cultures each day and I believe it makes me a wiser and smarter person. I understand how I can and should act with each of them and I respect their cultures like I respect my own. The second tip suggests learning about the history and cultures of different groups. Which, I love to do and I think it’s a great experience. The third tip is to become more fair minded and know and examine and understand your own possible stereotypes you might have. Another tip that the book suggests is to role play, look at things and experiences through another races perspective. This will open your mind a great deal more I believe. It will possibly help you understand who they are more. The last tip is to be more self confident. The more we are happy with ourselves, the more we are happy to learn and understand someone else. I believe this last tip is one of the best ones because I also believe this tip works in relationships. I believe that you have to be happy with oneself in order to be happy with a friend, significant other, family member and co-worker. Without being happy with oneself, you’re more likely to get down on these people as well as take it out on them. These tips I think are extremely important to be a more open communicator to different groups of people. I think we should all try at least one of these tips.

Premises

I believe mostly in the rationality premise. The perfectibility mutability premise is questionable. The rationality premise is basically the belief that people are to be trusted to make good decisions when needed. Some of the social institutions that practice these beliefs include democracy and trial by jury. This premise is the one I believe the most. I know I go into anytime of relationship whether it’s a friendship or a significant other, I tend to trust the person until they prove me otherwise. I believe that’s the only way to go through life is to trust someone first, to give them a chance. Otherwise I doubt you would have a happy life because you wouldn’t trust anyone as well as you wouldn’t be able to build great relationships with other people. I know one of the number one things in a relationship is trust, if you don’t have it, the relationship won’t be healthy. With trust comes people making good decisions. If you don’t trust someone I believe they won’t make a good decision in your eyes. I think just like trial by jury “you’re proven innocent until proven guilty”. The perfectibility premise based on that fact that everyone is born sinners, however through effort they can become good or have goodness within them. I don’t believe the fact that everyone is born a sinner, however I do believe that through sins we learn and we grow and can become good from it. I believe that maybe some people are born differently, but through time if they want to change they will change of for the better. But, to say everyone is born a sinner is a little dramatic to me. Lastly, the mutability premsis, is basically stating that humans act the way they do because of the environment in which they have been surrounded by. The way to change these behaviors is said through physical and psychological areas. I don’t believe people are shaped by their environment. Most people say growing up in the ghetto, mean the children are bad, however I have friends that want to prove everyone wrong and are in college now doing great things. I’ve seen rich kids act more stuck up and behave horrible, more than middle class people like me and low class people. I also believe that people can be happy with themselves already and have the environment bring them down. I think it just depends on the person.

Creatures of Our Culture?

I agree as well as disagree with anthropologist Ruth Benedict that we are “creatures of out culture” and our habits, beliefs, and impossibilities are shaped by our culture. I believe that some of what we inhabit and believe is from our cultures, but as well as other cultures. I believe that yes we are shaped by our culture as well as from our genes. I know that I as a person sometimes won’t act in a way that my culture would approve of. We break rules because we are human and we have our own individuality. However, I believe society sets limits and disapproves of certain things an individual might do because of their culture. I don’t think my culture defines who I am entirely, but at the same time it is a part of me. When it comes to impossibilities, I believe that comes from the individual and what they truly believe they can do and accomplish. My brother and I come from the same culture, everything comes easy to him, but I know he sets limits to sports because that is something he isn’t so great at. He doesn’t like to fail, therefore he sets limits, so to him he doesn’t fail. This is basically setting a limit to all your possibilities. When it comes to myself I am really good at sports, I’m street smart, but I am not to great with book smarts. However, I don’t set limits, I try new things and if it doesn’t work I move on. It isn’t impossible for him to do well at a sport, but he thinks’ it’s impossible. It might be impossible for me to accomplish being a doctor, but I won’t knock it till I try it. That’s how we work individually. My brother and I come from the same culture, yet we act differently when it comes to what we think we can accomplish. If you want to break through the limits within your own culture, I believe you have to take chances, understand that failure does happen, but it’s not the end of the world. If you become your own person and not what your culture or society believes you should be, you can break through these limits. I’m sure we’ve all regretted or did something our culture wouldn’t approve of, well to me that’s breaking through the limits.

Interaction Zones

I felt that the Interaction Zone Table 5.3 shows in the book was interesting. I knew people had comfort levels, but I didn't realize there was types of distance. For instance the "intimate distance" It's when the two people who are having a conversation are about eighteen inches apart. This type of distance is used for private conversations or inmate discussions (Trenholm 2008). The next distance that is described is the "personal distance" this can go as close to eighteen inches and as long as four feet. This is for friendly conversations. I think it's for people who are comfortable around each other but still want to keep that little distance. Then there is "social distance" which can go anywhere from four feet to twelve feet, this distance is used for business purposes. Lastly, there is "public distance" is twelve feet to wherever you can hear and see that person. This last distance is for public speaking and such. I believe this is useful information because it shows the four main settings a person will be placed in. It shows one which is a safe distance and which isn't so you don't make whoever you are speaking to uncomfortable or if you are the listener you know what is a proper distance for oneself without looking like you don't like the person or are uninterested. Some people like to keep a distance and they don't like people in their space. I'm honestly going to start using these techniques because I feel as though professionally there should be a certain amount of closeness, but you don't want to be at an intimate distance and overstep your boundaries. Overall I think this concept is extremely useful. [ All information was found on Page 129 table 5.3 ]

Nonverbal Messages In Other Cultures

My first semester at San Jose State University in one of my COMM classes, the teacher showed us a video of how nonverbal messages are different around the world. I had never really thought about it. The gesture we use with our finger to tell someone to come here in Latin American is known for being romantically into someone. Wanting their attention they simply put their palm tilted towards yourself and use a finger with a back and forth motion.
That's one of the many cues one might want to be careful using if in another county. Also, in America our thumbs up and mean screw you in another person's language. In some countries looking into someone's eye's when speaking is disrespectful or standing to close can be as well. Some a form of greeting is kissing someone on both cheeks, where in others its a handshake.
I haven't necessarily moved around this country, but I've had many different group of friends from other cultures. I've seen how Filipinos greet each other, with just one kiss on the check and a hug. I had to get used to it meeting my friends parents, I always just said hello or gave a hand shake. When I started hanging out with my Hispanic friends it was a nod or handshake to the young people and with older it was a hello or hug depending on the person. The grandma and grandpa's you'd have to give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I'd start to learn more and more nonverbal cues that they would give and start to pick them up as well. I believe every culture as something to learn from and if you can take something away from it then I think it's a great learning experience. I love how I've grown up in a diverse society and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Misinterpretation of Nonverbal Messages

I have misinterpreted nonverbal messages my whole life. I've been quick to judge, when really I just need to slow down and think first. But, not only have I done it to others, its been done to me as well. Think of it as an ongoing process. Many ways in which I've come across it as well as done it is through text messages, emails, aim, Facebook, Myspace and any other networking site I may have missed. It's also the facial expressions people give and their body posture. I know I don't get along with girls at all, I hang out with mostly all guys, so when they bring a girl around I question it. There was one instance I was hanging out with my group of guy friends and this girl comes out of no where. Her facial expression towards me was rude and her body posture made it seem like she was better then me. However, after thirty minutes, I was told that my body posture and facial expression when she came was rude and made it seem like I didn't want her there. I misinterpreted it as for her doing it to me first when I really did it to her and she was just trying to keep her distance. I guess her facial reactions were of why is she looking at me, what did i do to her type of thing because of my nonverbal actions. After that, I got to know her and she seems like a nice person.
I believe people can increase the accuracy of interpreting a nonverbal message by having an open mind. A person shouldn't judge of gesture given. Also, understand what is stated nonverbally, may not be stated verbally because that person might be scared to say something. Know your place and know that there are many possibilities of nonverbal gestures.

Ways Nonverbal & Verbal Messages Interact

The concept I choose, was in Chapter 4 table 5.2: Some Ways Nonverbal and Verbal Messages Interact. This concept intrigued me greatly because I never really thought about the six ways in which it could happen. The first one: Repeating, it stated that if someone said give me five minutes and the person held up their hand showing five, it would be a sign of accuracy. Always watch out for someone contracting themselves, one can do this by the nonverbal message, mealing the tone of your voice doesn't match up to watch you are verbally saying. Which, I've done plenty of times with my mother. When she asks me to do a simple chore I say "Yes, I'd be happy to", but with an attitude most of the time. I know it annoys her and she feels disrespected in some cases, but I never realized how I was contracting myself, by putting attitude in my response. Substituting, is when someone asks you a question and without verbally responding you might nod your head or perhaps roll your eyes. Complementing, is often read in your face. Maybe someone says "Your outfit looks cute" and their face has a big smile on it. It's complementing not only the message, but what your saying is true. Accenting, is basically when you emphasize a word more then the other, when speaking, it has to do with the tone of your voice. Lastly, regulating the book gave an example of someone looking at their watch while the speak is talking. This signifies that maybe you have somewhere to be. All six of these ways show how nonverbal and verbal messages interact with each other. I found it interesting because looking back I've seen myself do these things unconsciously.

Do Men & Women Use Language Differently?

When asked the question do you agree that men and women use language differently? I have to say yes and no. I do believe at times we use a different language especially when explaining things, but at the same time I am known to think like a guy and speak like them. I think overall it depends on the situation. I think the reason is partly because of the expectations we've been brought up with by society, in how a girl should act and how a guy should act in a give situation. However, the book gives examples of when these might happen, such as a guy inviting friends over without consulting his girlfriend, that has happened to me before I never got upset. I don't know if it's because I've grown up with all guys and tend to get along better with them that I act like them or what not. However, I do have my "girl" moments. I believe areas in which we are different, is like the book stated double talk and story telling. Another area the book touches on is how women are better at "oriented talk" while men are better at "task-oriented talk". When it comes to vocabulary in language women tend to used more detailed terms and as women we tend to be less obscene. Grammatically we differ to such as we ask short questions and are more polite. However, men more then women often start topics. I believe when it comes to openness about conversation, I believe it depends on the topic of conversation. Women might shy away with a topic of sex whereas men probably wouldn't have a difficult time discussing it. However, it also depends who one is talking to. Either way men and women have their similarities and differences when it comes to using language.