Thursday, November 5, 2009
Managing Interpersonal Conflict
I chose the concept managing interpersonal conflict because I found it very interesting. The reason for this is because I, myself do not handle conflict well. I am the type that hates to fight and rather drop the conflict then working on it because I don’t like confrontation. I don’t like arguing and most of the time I feel as though the problem isn’t that important to even bring up. My mother says I get it from my father, which I believe is true. Whenever my father and I have an argument, we usually drop it. We don’t talk about it and we go about our day. My mother hates this, she believes that you need to talk each problem out, whereas my father and I don’t like to deal with it or waste our time. This is why I believe I am more of a person that withdraws. This is basically when conflict arises, I change subjects or just let it be and try not to focus or do anything about it. This is not the best approach sense usually, all my anger builds up and I tend to explode on the wrong moment. The book makes interesting points, where some people will accommodate to a situation, which I have done. It’s basically when the person gives in because they don’t feel like its important and they rather make the other person happy. This can be okay in certain situations, but not important ones. Compromising is something I do need to work on, it will probably help me not to explode less as well as work on communicating to the other person what I feel and listening to what they feel. There is also problem solving, which is discussing a new solution to the problem at stake. I felt as though these concepts can help me a great deal when it different relationships, which is why I choose it.
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Good choice of topic! I actually really like this whole chapter because it make me think about how I interact with others and what kind of tactics I use. I am with you about withdrawing from conflict. I grew up with a very head-strong sister and figured if I just always let her have what she wanted, I wouldn't have to deal with fighting with her or my parents. However, I too realize this probably isn't the best way to solve conflicts. Ive gotten better over the years by picking my battles and really going for things that I feel like are important, but it definitely took some practice and still find myself backing off easily and then just being resentful.
ReplyDeleteThats so interesting because one of my roommates is like this and I was just telling her that she should really be more confrontational. She's reaaaally bad at it though, its to the point where our other roommates will eat her food, borrow her clothes without asking and force her into things against her will and she will not say anything back or stand up for herself. Its frustrating to watch because she's one of my close friends who is always taken advantage of, and I know she is an extreme case yet your post reminded me of her. She avoids conflicts all together and will do anything to keep peace with people or avoid awkward situations. But like you two said, its so important push for compromises (at the very least) when something is important to you. Keeping emotions bottled up will only eat away at you and it will also affect your relationships because of the resentment and unequal power levels it may cause. I think some people are way too confrontational and it’s really annoying when someone always has to confront every situation… so I think people should find a good balance for themselves so that they aren’t too abrasive or too soft.
ReplyDeleteChivista,
ReplyDeleteI can understand when you say that sometimes you choose to just drop the conflict because you do not like confrontation.
Sometimes I can be the same way because sometimes it really does not seem worth it to argue.
I think the key to managing confrontations is really choosing which ones to go to bat for, and dropping the rest.
It is funny how with family sometimes I could bicker over the smallest things, yet when something serious comes up we bind together and resolve it.
I think you hit some key points when you talked about listening, compromising, and taking the time to see how the other person feels. All in all, a very insightful posting!